Going back home this time was something I did not want and had not planned at all.

Someone I love said to me before making this decision “Sometimes you have to do something you don’t want to, to go after a big goal.”

And  it is in search of that goal that I’m back (for few months) to Santiago, Chile. After nearly a year of continuous travel, that had been also the longest time I’ve been on the road, I had to return. It was a decision somewhat forced by circumstances for many reasons, mainly economic.

I know this happens to many long-term travelers when they go back home.

It happen that you change so much while on the road that when you return you do not feel part of the same rhythms , the same ways of thinking and living.

I happen that when you are traveling, life happens there, you have no time to lose. Every day is a new opportunity to discover new things, new foods, new people. And when you come back everything is known. I try to find beauty in the simple, daily things (and  I do fin it) but does not create the same excitement.

After weeks back “home” physically my body is here but my soul and my heart are elsewhere ( today a part is in London )… they are still unable to completely return.

Many people tell that they like to travel because it makes them appreciate more what they have at home. I have always appreciated everything I had in my place and my country. It’s just that I’ve changed, and different things are more important to me now. I find more pleasure to be in a totally unfamiliar place that being in one where I know all the details of each piece of the street, every corner and every tree.

All those experiences make sense to my whole being. They make me be myself, because when you travel nobody expects anything more than you being nice and cool with them. No one is expecting you to act in a certain way because that’s how they think you should be, you have the freedom to be yourself.

I discovered that what I do not like to live in the place I’ve always lived is that there is some part of my subconscious that identifies with what people who knows me expect me to be. And now I’ve changed. So I feel little bit lonely and different in a certain way (not that matters much, I’m used and like to be different). I feel that the things I had in common with many are no longer there. And it is no one’s fault. I have changed. My interests have changed and mainly how I see life has changed.

I can not help but remember this Argentinean singer Carlos Gardel’s song ” Volver”. It says “I’m afraid of encountering the past returns to confront my life.” It is maybe that feeling of reunion with the past, with whom you were before, which makes this process so hard, a feeling of going back.

I know I ‘ve changed a lot. I know I will never be the same again and I’m really happy for that, even if it might involve stop seeing certain people or not do certain things anymore, it is just because I don’t enjoy them anymore. It is maybe facing who you were before that makes it so difficult for some to go back to where predominates the things you know.

There are others who crave that meeting, their happiness lies in the familiar places and going home. That is maybe why what people asks more when you go back home after a long trip are things like: You finally got tired and you staying here? Now you’ll go for a job like normal people ?

For me now my home has grown and I feel part of the world. I do not need Four known walls to feel at home. My home represents the people who are close to my heart and not necessary a physical place .

Especially when you come home without planning, the shock is instantaneous. At the airport I immediately knew this time I would not be for a long time in Chile. I love my people and my country but I’m happier now when knowing other cultures.

I find it harder to accept the same things that I accept not being in the city where I grew up, the same attitudes seem more tolerable in a society in which I am forced to understand it, and to look things like someone who does not belong to it, they annoy me less. Should be part of the “reverse cultural shock”.

While coming back I knew it is me who changed, that everything and everyone are the same and very few can understand the process that I had. Very few understand why I do not want to be every day at the same place. For me it is my natural way of being.

When I started this long journey, I was kind of looking to find myself , and I did. It was hard to recognize me as a nomad. It was not easy to assume that one of the things I like to do most in life, is to travel and see other places. I feel passionate about it. I like both: to sleep in a tent under the stars or in a five-star hotel. I like as much to eat pasta in the most elegant restaurant in a city  as eating street food. I like adventure . I like the thrill of living life in an unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar language , where you’re totally a stranger for everybody.

I am myself when I move, when I travel, when I sleep in different places in the same month, when I try different foods. I feel alive and I feel myself.

I’m not willing to let the days staying here being unhappy doing what others expect me to do and to make them happy , judging others to fill my life. I have decided that I will live my life as I have always dreamed to be.

I know this is temporary, as everything in life is. While this period lasts I’m focused on my task, to prepare the future that I dream. Perhaps the most important lesson of this time is to achieve to really enjoy the details of life, every day, every second , no matter where you are.

After all, happiness is a decision and it is within ourselves, not in a temple or in a particular place. Perhaps that is the lesson I have to learn now that I am in the place where I don’t wanted to be , but it is my present, then I have to enjoy it !

Do experienced something similar happened after your long trip? What have you done to overcome this?

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